I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
