ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
