turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
