Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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