I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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