I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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