found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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