The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
