Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
