Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
