maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
