I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
