The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
