you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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