do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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