oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
