I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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