Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
