We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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