hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
