no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
