if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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