She is in my trunk
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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