he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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