i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
