He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
