then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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