Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
