I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
