Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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