Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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