Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
