It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
