I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
