Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
3pm strippers are depressing
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
