i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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