so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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