if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
