just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize