All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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