Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
