just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize