went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
