He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
