I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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