Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
