you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How external is "for external use only"?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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