I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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