I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
