thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
