I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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