We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
