he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
