You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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