I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I still have a little drunk in my system
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
