sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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