Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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