Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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