Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Omg I joined a choir last night...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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