I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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