you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
