do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Still dying that you shit outside
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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