This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
