so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
