That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
