a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
