She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
