dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
