The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
