First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
