ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
