why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
