You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
