Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
