I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
